He enjoyed pain; that much Kletian had to admit to himself, even if said pain was caused by something as sinful as what he and Rofel did. There was a word for it, even, he had seen it in a book, the type of book that was kept in the forbidden section of the library. It was the kind of book the Glabados Church considered to be blasphemy and sin, and Kletian would never even image himself reading. It just happened he had been around when the owner of the book, that one certain book and several others, had been taken away by the Inquisitors, and Kletian had been ordered to deal with the horrifying literature.

The reason he had even looked at that book had been because the curiosity had gotten the better of him - he just had to know if what he and Rofel were doing was actually normal. No, not normal - of course it wasn't normal, as unnatural and sinful as it was. Still, he had to know - did anyone else do it, since there were books about it?

The material the book contained was horrifying, and that was a mild way of putting it. He had still studied it, and those things mentioned there... Not only did it appear what they did wasn't all that uncommon, but there were words for things like enjoying pain. The word was "masochism", and although Kletian didn't exactly understand all the things related to the word the book described, he knew himself to be a masochist.

He preferred it this way, in any case; preferred to have Rofel do it as forcefully as possible. It was his way of lying to himself, of course, because of the sin they committed together. The fact remained that Rofel was a man as much as he was a knight, and as a knight he hasn't been required to give vows of celibacy. Rofel did not, however, desire the touch of a woman, and Kletian knew this. Kletian himself wasn't one to consider marriage either; he thought himself to be devoted to his duty before anything else, and a family wasn't something he desired. He was devout to the point where some people said he would have made a good priest, but he was a knight before anything else.

What he was doing in Rofel's bed in the first place was more complicated. It was a case of denial as well, but Kletian accepted it, as he didn't know any better way. It was a sin, nonetheless, and that was why he preferred it to hurt.

Currently, Rofel had him tied up in a decently uncomfortable position and was in process of stripping him, more or less since the ropes prevented the older man from fully removing his clothes. It felt humiliating, but Kletian found himself aroused by the act. He closed his eyes and squirmed a little to test the ropes, but they held firm. This pleased him; there was no escape, even if he had wanted one.

Maybe it was his willingness to lie to himself, or maybe it was his masochistic tendencies, he wasn't sure which it was or if it was both. It didn't change the fact that Kletian allowed Rofel to do as he pleased; if it brought pain and humiliation, all the better.

Was it was God who had made him this way, Kletian didn't know, but if there was something he would deny to the end, it was the fact that he loved Rofel more than God himself, for that was a sin greater than anything.