They're back. The nightmares... Not that they ever left me, not ever since the incident over half a year ago, in that cursed mansion near Raccoon City. But at least back then they were just nightmares, about that place and the events, about my teammates getting killed, about the horrible creatures roaming around that place, and about the million ways I could've gotten killed while back there.

Before this, the nightmares rarely included him. More than betraying the team and all that, of course. He died before my eyes, so why should I have nightmares about that?

Except that he's not dead.

Knowing that makes me shiver. It's not cold here, and I'm sitting in the bed with a blanket around me, but any thought that includes him makes me feel sick. Why shouldn't I feel sick? Why not, after what he did to me back on Rockford Island and Antarctica... Ever since, my nightmares have centered themselves around him. Damn bastard. I wonder what kind of sick pleasure it gave him? On the other hand, I don't want to know. Ever. I can only hope that the damn self-destruct system that destroyed the Antarctica facility took him with it. Somehow, I doubt it, though.

The nightmares I have... They're quite hard to describe. I usually don't remember everything, except that he's in all of them. And unfortunately I usually remember the things I really don't want to remember. Like the dream I had earlier tonight... The place I didn't recognize, or maybe I just don't remember. I do remember walking down some long corridor, and suddenly hearing a certain kind of chittering behind me. That's the sound the damn hunters make. I know better; those lizards work for him. Claire said she didn't see any when trying to escape the island, or the Antarctica facility. What could that mean, other than the fact that he freed those creatures to hunt for me?

That dream earlier... I ran. Why not? That's all I seem to be good at nowadays. Running like hell, away from those damn things and away from him. Like running from a hunter would make any difference, considering how fast those lizards are. It was a dream anyway, and in dreams you don't do the most intelligent things. If that had been real, I'd have turned and shot before seeing the damn beast. I think I have a reflex for that by now, after being stalked by so many of those things...

But I ran. I don't remember for how long, or if I ever got anywhere. I don't remember the hunter following me, either, but then he was suddenly there. Standing there casually, like he'd always been there and known where I was going. I tried to stop and run in the other direction, but it was too late. All I had time to feel was his fingers wrapping around my neck as he laughed...

Gods, I hate that laugh. I'll probably remember it for the rest of my life. He sounds so insane. I guess getting killed really warped his mind. Or should I say, getting almost killed, since he apparently didn't die. Otherwise, he wouldn't be back. That Tyrant back in the lab under that cursed mansion killed him. I saw him die. Or so I thought. He's very much alive. I've seen it, and I've felt it... Felt... Him...

In that dream, he strangled me. Just like in that lab the first time I saw him after the mansion incident, in Rockford Island. And just like back then, I couldn't do a thing, other than let him hurt me.

He laughed, then said, "You are mine, Christopher... Always mine."

I think he then proceeded to do those things he usually does to me in the nightmares, but thank gods for Jill. She woke me up, saying that I was calling his name in my sleep again. That happens a lot. If Jill doesn't wake me up, then I just wake up screaming his name.

I hate his name. I hate him.

Jill... She's sleeping at the moment. She looks so peaceful lying there next to me. She has nightmares about the mansion sometimes, too. The mansion, or Raccoon City, about the events when she escaped from there. I heard from Claire and Jill that it got really bad in the city before the government nuked it.

Thanks to Barry, we're back together now. He helped Jill find a safe place and contacted me. After I returned from Antarctica with Claire, I moved in with Jill. The apartment we have isn't too big, but at least we're safe in this small town whose name I don't even remember. At least no one here has ever heard of Umbrella, so I'd guess they don't know where I am anymore.

Doesn't change the fact that I feel stalked every day.

Every time I walk on the streets, I keep getting the feeling that I'm being followed. I know why, too. "Until next time," he said before I ran to the elevator. So yes, we might be safe from Umbrella here, but will I ever be safe from him?

He sounded so insane. Like he blamed me for everything that happened in the mansion, and after the incident. Why? What did I do? It's not like I was the only one there! But he said he hates me, and it's obvious he wants me dead. To kill me. Or actually I'm not so sure anymore... not after what he did to me...

Oh god, I can't think about that. It makes me feel sick. Or rather, it makes me want to save him the trouble and kill myself. What he did was just beyond sick... What drove to him do something like that, I don't know. Who taught him to do things like that, I don't know. Whoever it was must've been insane. I guess someone must've taught him how to do that, since I don't think he'd know how to do that without any knowledge of doing it.

Then again, he's insane. Only someone who's really lost it is capable of doing what he did to me. He made it clear enough that he wanted to kill me, but then when he got his hands on me...

I wish he'd just raped me. That, I could live with. But this...

I can't sleep at all nowadays. Sleep. Meaning resting, without dreams haunting you, starting from the moment you close your eyes. That's my case. I can't close my eyes without finding myself facing images of him. No matter what the dreams are about, they end with him getting his hands on me. I can't take it anymore. All I'm asking is one damn night of sleep without dreams. Jill got me some sleeping medicine, but it's not helping much. I feel like I haven't rested for weeks.

Claire told me to go see a shrink. Guess I should, but I bet they'd lock me up instantly, considering the things I would tell them. No one believes what really happened in Raccoon City. And no one would ever believe what I know about him. I thought he died in the mansion. Wrong. And then, Antarctica... Hell, I dropped steel bars on him, and he still got up! That should've been enough to kill him! Wrong again.

Maybe Claire is right, after all, and I should go see a doctor. It's just that... I didn't tell my sister I kind of tried that once already. That was a bad idea. I didn't tell the guy all the details, just random things about him being my former CO and then that I thought he died in an accident and came back to stalk me...

That really was a bad idea. After listening to my story for a while, the doctor suggested that I should just get it out of my mind. That I am the one who is obsessed with him. What the fuck? And that guy called himself a doctor! I'm so not talking to any shrinks ever again. And I'd really love to get all that out of my mind. I just can't!

Even if I could stop thinking about it during the days, he'd be back to haunt my dreams. This is too much... I think I'm losing my sense of reality. I don't notice days passing by anymore. All that's left is sleepless nights, and when I'm sleeping, dreams, or rather, nightmares of him. Him taking me. Every damn time, in every dream. Owning me.

I just can't take it anymore.

I feel the magazine I was trying to read slipping out of my hold. I press my face against Jill's shoulder, defeated. I now remember taking a couple of sleeping pills earlier, and now I'll fall asleep, whether I want it or not. I don't want it. The medicine won't keep the dreams away, and I don't want them. Not those damn nightmares.

Feeling his fingers on my throat, strangling me, is bad enough. What's worse is to feel his hands advancing on my body. It makes me want to throw up. The way he touched me... The way I also feel it in the nightmares. His touch makes me sick. Feeling him inside of me makes me feel even more sick.

Gods, not again. I don't want to remember. I don't want to feel it again, how my body responds to his touch. I shake my head, tears forming to my eyes, but there's nothing I can do. He controls me. My mind is screaming "no" but the word never leaves my lips. I can't talk. He rips every last piece of dignity from me, and makes me his.

"Always, Christopher."

I hate the way he says my name. I feel his hands on my skin, touching me in a way that would make any normal man want to die. He laughs, then leans in to kiss me. I feel his skin against mine, and taste that passionate kiss, while his words repeat themselves in my mind. Mine. Always. Always...

I shake myself awake once again, blinking the tears away. I catch myself calling that name without sound before I stagger into the bathroom and actually throw up. Those dreams make me so sick.

I hear Jill asking me if I'm okay. I give her a short nod and lie back down. She strokes my hair gently, and doesn't ask more. I guess she learned a long time ago that I don't want to talk about it. How could I tell her what really happened? I couldn't even tell Claire. She did ask... I lied, said that he got his hands on me and beat me.

The digital clock on the nightstand shows that it's past 3 AM. Not that it matters. I don't remember when was the last time I was able to sleep more than a period of half an hour.

Jill's whispering that's it's okay, that I'm safe now. If she only knew. I'm never safe... She has the ability to calm me down, anyway. It makes me feel a bit safer when she holds me. I fear that something might happen to her and Claire, but I can't say it. They'd think I was crazy, too.

Then again, maybe I am.

It's not too hard to realize I felt a bit too safe in Jill's arms when I find myself standing on an icy platform. So I fell asleep again. I'm starting to hate the fact that half of the time, I seem to know that I'm sleeping. Or maybe I've just lost it - maybe this is real, and when I think I'm awake, I'm really sleeping?

He's here. Of course he is, he's always here. He's standing by a random container, one of those things that are probably used for the hunters during transport. He looks at me, weird golden eyes laughing. The calm smirk on his face makes me want to kill him, but I know well enough that it's in vain. I can't kill him, no matter what I do. I don't know why. I like to think that it's because of those powers he has, and I can't get close to him because of that, but I guess I'm lying to myself. I can't kill him because I'm his.

Always.

I've had it. I can't take it anymore. What kept me alive in Antarctica was the need to save Claire, and what's kept me alive so far is my love for Jill and because Claire cares so much for me... But it's too much now. I watch him walk a few steps closer, and I know where this will lead. It always ends the same way. I don't want to feel his touch anymore.

I take one step back, to the edge of the icy platform. I'm going to end this now...

My voice sounds distant, then I realize I'm screaming his name again. I wake up, covered in cold sweat. Was that another just nightmare? I don't know what's real anymore. My life has turned into a continuous nightmare and I can't seem to wake up at all.

I can't see anything in the dark bedroom. I turn to my side, looking for Jill, needing something safe. I find something warm, and press my face against a strong shoulder.

Then I freeze when I hear the laughter.

"Always, Christopher. Mine. Always."

Wesker.

What is there left for me to do, except scream?

Author's notes:

Aw, poor Chris. This was... Well, if you couldn't figure it out, Chris' thoughts.

Old idea that I finally wrote after listening to "Always" by Saliva wayyyy too many times... *insane evil grin*

- Lady Harken (March, 2003)