FrozenBy Lady Harken There was a soft knock at the door, but Albert Wesker didn't even consider getting up from his chair and opening the door. He knew who it was anyway. He stared at his papers, lost in thought. Being practical, paperwork wasn't one of his favorite tasks, but by doing this he was able to avoid going to the laboratory. It was not like he wouldn't have had enough things to do. Working was his only way to keep his thoughts away from certain other matters that he hated thinking about, and at the same time he could barely get anything done. He hadn't really been able to do much for several weeks now. Not ever since William had told him about his plans to marry that damn woman. "Open the door, Albert," a calm, pleasant voice called from the outside. "I know you're in there." Wesker cursed everything under his breath; cursed the fact that he wanted to get up and open the door if only to see his partner's face. Considering all the facts lately that wasn't possible. He was afraid of losing control in front of the younger man. He silently listened as William Birkin's soft voice called to him again, but he ignored it, closing his eyes. He didn't want to see Birkin. He buried his face into his hands, leaning on the desk. William's soft pleading made him want to weep, but he didn't allow such weakness for himself. He didn't wish to admit the fact that he had actually cried because of this and more than once. Or rather, not exactly cried; just found himself lying in his bed in the middle of the night with darkness covering everything in his room and had felt warm tears falling down his face. At those moments, there was nothing he could do except to lie there until he could finally fall asleep. The sounds from the door eventually faded, and when he finally turned to look at the door he knew Birkin was gone. And he'll be back later, Wesker thought bitterly. Why can't you just leave me alone, William? He returned to his work, idly browsing through papers related to some test results from the other scientists' work. He knew his concentration was gone. Birkin had that effect on him. His stubbornness prevented him from giving up though, so he sat there, staring at the papers and pretending to do something. He couldn't remember exactly when this all had begun. It had something to do with William's random idea of wanting a child. For what purpose, Wesker didn't know. Perhaps it was about the basic need for a human being to continue one's family line? He laughed at the thought, knowing that wasn't the case here. Maybe that was part of it, but Birkin was also after something else. Wesker had forgotten about the matter, but then Birkin had notified him about the fact that he had found the perfect candidate to be the child's mother. Annette. Wesker hated the name with passion; he failed to notice that even thinking about it made his fingers grip the paper in his hand so hard that he ruined it. Considering all the facts involved she was the perfect candidate of course; clever, pretty good looking, available, very intelligent - which probably was, besides from being available, the value Birkin was after the most - and, attracted to William's smooth behavior. If Wesker knew anything about it, it had taken Birkin two days to get the woman to fall in love with him. William had said something about women being easy to manipulate. There was of course one little problem with completing the plan, but of course Birkin had apparently considered everything. Getting the woman to bear a child for him required marriage. Otherwise Annette might have taken the child and left. Men usually didn't have much to say in those cases, especially if they weren't willing to take the whole responsibility for bringing the child into this world in the first place. Taking the responsibility meant marriage and so William had married Annette, not many months after they had first met. Wesker wondered if the woman knew everything. He guessed that by now Annette did know but ignored it, either believing William loved her or just didn't care. He didn't know the details. Details... Details of the fact that her husband is bisexual and happens to have a relationship already. If that's what it was called. He slammed his fist on the desk, causing a pen to fall to the floor. This wasn't, however, the first time the equipment around his room had to suffer from his random fits. Being a calm man, usually even regarded as cold, he controlled himself perfectly. But now... He hadn't attended the ceremony. From what he had heard it had been small; Birkin hadn't wanted anything elaborate. Those present had only been some closer friends and family, and the ceremony had been completed by a judge. Annette might have wanted to have the wedding in a church, but William was far from religious. Not that it mattered. There had been a ceremony, and William Birkin was a married man now. And into committing adultery while at it. Wesker took his anger out on his desk again, resulting in a folder and a couple of papers falling to the floor. He then looked at the wall and laughed. Whatever delusions Annette might have had, Wesker knew that Birkin didn't love her. William was able to use anyone to achieve any goal he wanted. The marriage was just a formality that allowed the younger scientist to proceed with his plans. It didn't change the fact that this had led to countless fights. Wesker stared at the wall angrily, clenching his hands into fists. William Birkin was his lover, and his first. He had protested the whole thing from the beginning. Not that he could have really been against Birkin wanting to have a child; even though he didn't himself want any he couldn't really blame the other man for wanting to have one. Getting a child just required the presence of a woman and that was what angered him. The thought of having to share William with anyone made him want to kill something. Their confrontations had been calm at first, but the wedding had been the last straw. Wesker had told Birkin straight to his face that he didn't want to see the younger man ever again. It hadn't changed anything as they surely had fought after that incident. Fought, every time they happened to meet around the mansion or the lab. Birkin wanted to talk; Wesker failed to control himself and didn't want to listen anyway. So far he had been, counting out the one time he had yelled at William from the top of his lungs telling him to get out of his life, able to control himself around other people, and alone as well, and their fighting mostly consisted of bitter words. The reason Wesker refused to open the door every time Birkin stopped by was that he knew he couldn't take it anymore. He knew himself to be unable to hit the younger man, but he also knew he wanted to hurt Birkin. Deep inside of him the feelings were eating him alive, and the next time they met he was afraid he would really hurt the younger scientist. So all I have to do is make sure that there is no next time. Maybe I'll calm down enough in a few months. Or in a year... Or ten years. Maybe I should get a transfer? Wesker shook his head, playing with that thought again. He knew it wasn't possible; their work kept him here, and Spencer wasn't likely to take 'I can't work here anymore because William is married' as an explanation for a transfer request. Leaving Umbrella altogether was of course an option, but he knew he would have had to kiss his scientist career goodbye in that case. Umbrella wasn't likely to let one of their top scientists walk out with the knowledge about the things that were studied in Arklay Labs. In a good case he could have probably found a job as a teacher in some university; in a bad case... Well, he wouldn't have been the first scientist to be assassinated. Besides, he liked his work. So what if at the moment his studies were going a bit slow as his personal problems prevented him from spending too much time in the labs. There was paperwork and calculations to lose himself into. Nights were a different thing. Wesker sighed, stopping to clean his sunglasses with a piece of cloth that was lying on the desk. His only option was to work until he got so tired that he just dropped into bed and slept. Having time to lie awake in the bed thinking was a nightmare. He didn't want to admit it but he missed Birkin desperately. It had been well over a month since the last time they had done anything. It annoyed him, but it wasn't just his body that was missing the younger scientist. Sleeping alone just hurt so much. Wesker considered all the other options he had several times. One was to go find someone else to share his bed with, but the plain thought of that disgusted him. He had never considered himself as a sexual being; never felt the need to touch anyone or even himself, outside from taking away certain need his body happened to have. He was somewhat proud of that, the fact that he was above normal humans in that matter. That was until William Birkin had come into the picture. It had taken the younger man a while, but in the end they had ended up in the same bed. William had told him back then that he was bisexual and was looking, rather than normal humans who were looking for a companion that they thought would make a good partner to reproduce with, an equal partner to not only to share his bed but also his mind. He had found that in Albert Wesker; the fact that Wesker was very attractive was irrelevant, but as Birkin put it, a definite plus. Their relationship had started when Wesker had been 17. Birkin had been 15 at the time, but age didn't matter with the two of them. Birkin was a genius; Wesker wasn't just anyone either. Graduating from a university at the age of 17 surely required more brain than a normal human being had, and Umbrella had seen that brilliance. They had hired him the moment he walked out of the school and sent him to URC where he had met Birkin. A year later they had been given positions as the head researchers of the Arklay Facility. Now, eight years later, their relationship had come to a stop. To an end, Wesker believed, even though he didn't really want to think about it. Losing Birkin felt like losing a part of his soul. He lashed out at his work again, and the rest of the papers ended up on the floor next to the desk. He then fell against the desktop, hiding his face into his arms, not wanting to move. He wanted revenge. Annette would have made a perfect target for that of course, but Wesker considered his capability to commit murder. He chuckled softly, knowing that he could have done it feeling no regrets about taking someone's life. What he would have accomplished with that was a different thing. Birkin had use for the woman, and if he killed her, William probably wouldn't forgive that. What do I care? I told him to get out of my life, didn't I? Wesker sighed, wishing it was that easy. He would have wanted to walk away from everything but leaving Birkin required more. There just was a slight problem with getting Birkin out of his life completely and that was the feelings part. Not that Wesker would have admitted any feelings existing. Then why the fuck does this have to hurt so much? He lay against the desk, feeling like giving up. His mind idly planned on some kind of way to get back to Birkin for the millionth time since all this had started, and he still found himself with nothing. He would have so wanted to do what the younger scientist had done; gone out and cheated on his lover. He cursed aloud, raising his hand and hitting his fist against the wall. As much as he wanted to do that, to give himself to someone other than Birkin, he knew he couldn't do it. Casual relationships were out of the option; he despised people who went out and slept with just about anyone. Not only was that stupid, it was also dangerous. Find someone for a long-time relationship then. Yeah right. Hope you find someone named William in that case, because that's the name you'd call out in bed, you idiot! He fell back against the desk, placing his sunglasses to the side, and closed his eyes. His feelings were a mess and he wished to clear them but failed once again. He stayed still, wishing to stay here forever and to be able to forget about the world and just about everything else. Wesker woke up to a sound of someone knocking on the door; the same soft knock that he had heard a thousand times before. He still didn't reply, lying there with his face resting against his left arm. His back hurt and his arms felt sore from staying in the same position for too long; a short glance at the watch on his wrist told him that he had slept for over two hours. "Albert," the same voice that he had heard earlier today called. "Open the door. I know you're still in there even though you refuse to answer me." Wesker leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms but didn't reply. "Albert, please," Birkin's soft voice called to him, calm but pleading. "We need to settle this sometime. You can't avoid me forever, you know." The older man considered replying but stayed silent for now, calmly reaching to collect the papers that he had pushed down from the desk before. He shook his head, frowning at the fact that there had also been a cup of coffee on the table and he hadn't noticed it in his anger. The cup wasn't broken but the contents were spread on some of the papers, ruining them. "I sent her away, you know. She's pregnant. Would be dangerous for her to stay here in that condition. She insisted that she could've stayed here and done paperwork, but I told her it would be better if she stayed in Raccoon City. I own a house there, in case you've forgotten." The words made Wesker freeze; his gray-blue eyes turned to the door, his thoughts failing him. At least Annette was away for now. With the child and all, it would take at least a year before she would be allowed to return to her normal work at the labs, and, as Wesker quickly considered through all the things related to the matter, maybe by that time he would have gotten enough used to the idea of the damn woman existing that he wouldn't kill her on sight. "You'll still have to deal with the fact that she'll visit often, and I'll probably have to visit her a lot too even though she surely knows I have enough things to do here to go home to her all the time. She's worked here long enough to know better. She'll be stuck sorting through paperwork anyway. Oh and she knows, by the way." Wesker sighed, adding the information to the facts of what he knew about Birkin's marriage. So she knew. How much exactly? "You can of course guess if it was easy to get her to leave with that information," Birkin continued. "I don't know where she heard it from really; I hadn't planned on telling her just yet. We had quite a fight about the matter, but I did remind her that I did tell her from the beginning that I was bisexual and she did say she was fine with it. This was after the wedding. She threatened to leave me, but in the end she won't do that. She's angry as hell, but she wants her child to have a father." Without thinking about it too much Wesker stood up, took the few required steps to the door, unlocked it and opened it. "And why exactly are you telling me this?" He asked in an acidic tone. "What do I care? I think I told you to stay the hell away from me." Birkin stared at the older man's face with a calm expression before pushing him aside and stepping into the room. "Because I've been telling you for weeks that we need to talk." Wesker slammed the door shut, stopping to lock it out of habit. He didn't turn after doing so. "We don't have anything to talk about." "Oh yes we do. You never listened to me. What do you want from me anyway? For me to say I'm sorry? Then I'll say it again, Albert. I'm sorry I hurt you. Want me to beg on my knees or something?" "Do I care?" Wesker replied, trying to control the anger from showing in his voice. He still refused to turn, for looking at Birkin's face was most likely all he needed to break and just kill the younger man. "Did I ever ask for an apology?" He continued. "What do you think it helps, anyway?" "Nothing in that case I guess," the younger man answered, moving to sit on the bed. "But I said it anyway and meant it, so now you can't say that I never even apologized. I never meant to hurt you, Albert. I never hid anything from you either. And I swear, if there had been any other way I wouldn't have married her. I don't love her or anything. If she thinks I've ever said such a thing she's wrong." "You should see yourself around her," Wesker commented dryly. He rested his shoulder against the wall next to him and stayed still, staring at the door. "Perhaps I do act a bit differently... But that's surely not out of love. And since you've refused to hear the rest of the details so far, I could also inform you that I got her pregnant at the first possible moment. I don't feel like wasting time with things that do not interest me. I made sure she was with child when I married her." The older man spun around, stopping to stare at Birkin. "And why would I care? What do you want from me, anyway?" Birkin sighed. "For you to finally listen to me. I've said the same things a hundred times now." "I told you to get lost!" The younger scientist stood up, taking a step forward and stopping directly in front of his partner. Wesker gritted his teeth, feeling quite uncomfortable being that close to Birkin. The rage inside of him was telling him to strangle the blond. William's sky-blue eyes showed sadness and something else, things that Wesker has never seen in his lover's eyes. "Is that what you really want, Albert? For me to get out of your life, forever?" "Yes!" The older man snarled, barely controlling himself from hitting the other man. Wesker suddenly knew this would be the last confrontation. This time Birkin would have to give up, or he would probably kill the younger man. This would be the last time he ever talked to William Birkin... "Fine then, Albert." Birkin continued, voice adamant now. "If you can look me in the eyes and tell me to get out of your life, with no feelings involved, I will do it. If you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me, I will leave you alone." Wesker scowled at the younger man, wishing his sunglasses hadn't been lying on the desktop several feet away from him. He knew he was failing to keep his calm anymore and glared death at Birkin. William asking something like that was too much. The younger man never talked about feelings and never really said anything. Hearing him suddenly ask something like that was unreal. Finally, Wesker took a deep breath, stared as coldly as he could into the sky-blue eyes in front of him, a little lower than his own and gave his answer. "Leave, William. I don't love you." The younger man tilted his head a little then sighed, smiling slightly. He raised his right hand and reached to touch Wesker's face softly. "You're lying, Albert," he whispered. "Your eyes tell me what your voice is denying." Wesker failed to stop himself anymore; his raised his left hand abruptly and slapped Birkin's hand, pushing it away from his face, and then he raised his right hand and hit the younger man on the face, sending him flying backwards, dropping on his back on the bed. "You don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about, William!" He yelled angrily. "What do you know about feelings? You don't have any anyway!" "If I don't feel anything why am I here then," came the calm reply. Birkin still refused to raise his voice as he never had during their fights, even though now his voice was starting to fail him. "Why would I bother? Why have I tried everything in my power to win you back if I don't have feelings?" "Don't give me that crap," Wesker hissed, stepping closer. Birkin shook his head. "You think you're the only one hurting, Albert?" The younger man's voice had acquired a desperate but angered tone. "You really think I don't miss you?! That I suddenly stopped caring and feeling anything? You think that Annette can give me what I need!?" The last sentence was too much; it sent Wesker over the edge, and he found himself leaning over the bed, grabbing the younger man by the throat. Birkin raised his hands and grasped his partner's wrists, trying to pull the hands strangling him away. "I... don't give a fuck what the bitch can give you or can't give you..." Wesker snarled, the rage burning in his eyes. "You just don't fucking do this to me, William! You're mine!" "Yes... I am..." The younger man managed to mumble, having trouble breathing. "...I am... yours, Albert... I... lov..." Wesker let go and pulled away; he couldn't look at Birkin's eyes anymore. The small remaining sane part in his mind reminded him that he couldn't kill Birkin even if he very much wanted to. He wished he could have walked away right now but could only take a few steps away and lean against the wall. He bit his lip, tasting something coppery on his lips. The taste didn't help calming him at all; rather, it made him even more insane. He slammed his hand against the wall, not giving a damn about the fact that it hurt. "Get out, William," he hissed between his teeth. "Get out before I kill you." Birkin lay on the bed, unable to move. He held his palm on his throat, feeling tears in his eyes. Breathing hurt. He wasn't leaving even if he could have gotten up, however. He was determined to get things settled today. "Then... Kill me, Albert. Because..." He stopped to take a deep breath, and found himself coughing. He managed to calm himself after a moment and continued. "Because I'm not leaving. Ever. I love you, Albert Wesker." The older man didn't want to hear it. Wesker spun around, grabbing his partner by the collar of the lab coat and pulled him up from the bed. He yelled something at Birkin; what, he didn't know as his mind was numb and he couldn't hear his own voice. The thought about killing William crossed his mind for a second before the sane part, or what was left of it, told him he couldn't do it. He settled to dragging the younger man across the room to the door, fumbled with it for a moment to get it to open and as soon as he managed to do so he threw Birkin out with all the power he could muster. The younger man hit the wall across the corridor and slumped down by it. Wesker slammed the door shut again, locked it and threw himself on the bed. He pressed his face against the pillow, feeling tears burning his eyes. "...Albert?" A weak voice from the direction of the door asked after a moment passed. Wesker didn't want to hear it; didn't want to hear the obvious pain in Birkin's voice. The sane part of his mind reminded him how he wasn't supposed to be able to hurt William. "What?" He answered quietly, biting his lip again to keep himself calm. He failed yet again and sat up, glaring coldly at the younger man standing by the door. "Haven't you done enough, you bastard? Isn't ripping my heart out and crushing it enough for you? What else do you fucking want, William!?" "You. I want you back. I've never loved anyone else and never probably will, at least this way. I need you." Wesker turned to stare at his desk. "How did you get in, anyway?" He asked icily. "How do you think I've gotten in before?" Birkin answered softly, still obviously having trouble with breathing. "Huh. Guess it has slipped your mind then. The fact that I have a key." "Then why didn't you open the door with that before, you goddamned slut?" Birkin shook his head. "Because I wanted you to open it. If you really don't want me to come in, then wouldn't it be better for me to stay away? Look at us, Albert. We're both hurting. I'm slowly dying without you. An... She can't give you what you can, Albert. She can only give me a child. She can't give me comfort; she can't give me the partnership that I need. All I ever wanted from her is what she will give me. Anything else, she can't... Albert... She can't... give me the pleasure. Only you can." "I don't want to talk about it," Wesker answered quietly, still refusing to look at the younger man. "I don't want to hear this. I want you to leave, William. I want... you to..." The younger scientist sighed, carefully taking a couple of steps closer and sitting on the bed. "No you don't and we both know it. Give me another chance, Albert... You can't just say you suddenly stopped loving me." Wesker stood up, staring at the wall. He kicked it, fighting to control the rage. "I never... said... I love you..." "Yes you did," Birkin answered. His voice was low, and he was clearly in pain and desperately clinging to his control. "Most of the times you're just not conscious enough to hear yourself say it. You have said you're mine, and I have answered to that by being yours. Will you still deny it? How can you be hurting so much then? Why does this hurt you if you don't love me?" "I don't want to hear it!" Wesker snapped, turning to face the younger man. The remains of the control he had over himself fled again. "I don't want to hear any more of this! I want you out of here, out of my room and out of my goddamned life!" Birkin stood up slowly. "Albert... Stop it. Why do you keep hurting yourself? Just because you want to hurt me? Is that how much you hate me? Or is it how much you hate yourself..." "Whatever. Get... out..." Wesker mumbled, not even noticing he was shaking. He blinked, attempting to get the tears out of his eyes. He hated the fact that William was right; right about hating him and right about hating himself. He wished that it would have ended already. Wished that Birkin had listened to him and left. The sane part of his mind was still nagging him but was getting more and more ignored, and Wesker didn't know what he would do when it was completely silenced. "...Just... Get out. I will kill you if you don't leave." The younger man stepped closer carefully. He stopped, sighing, then slowly leaned close and wrapped his arms around Wesker. "I told you already... Then fucking kill me already, Albert. Call me weak, call me anything you want, but I won't go on without you. I need you; I love you." Wesker couldn't think anymore. He was hurting too badly and needed William too badly. He wanted to rip the younger man away from himself and beat him to death; he also wanted to just stay there and let Birkin hold him and he wanted to cry. He wanted to do anything to end this; anything to take the rage that was eating his soul away, anything to end the pain. His body decided what to do for him. It had been so long since Birkin had touched him, and if he was trying to say that he didn't want William anymore his body betrayed him. He felt hot, knowing very well what the burning was this time. It centered itself on his lower body, hurting him as much as everything else was hurting him at the moment. He grabbed Birkin by the collar of the younger man's shirt and drew his head up violently then brutally pressed his lips against the younger man's. Birkin didn't resist. His arms were still around the older man, and he let his lover kiss him despite the fact that he was already hurting all over. The kiss stole his breath and his mind went numb; he had experienced enough of lack of air for one day already. The older scientist wasn't paying attention. Wesker didn't really notice Birkin turning powerless in his hold or the fact that the younger man had closed his eyes and was practically clinging to him. He needed this too much. William didn't much react to being tossed to the bed, other than crying out weakly. Wesker didn't know why the younger man did so anyway, even thought it was obvious Birkin had hit his back earlier when he had been thrown against the wall. "Why... you damn bastard... Why?" Wesker mumbled, so angry that he couldn't think. If he could have he would have known that he did know the answer already. His hands were trembling as he tried to get the lab coat off of the younger man; the garment just wouldn't come off, and it took him a long while before he managed to pull it off. The burning inside of him was getting worse all the time, and he knew that it wouldn't go away unless William Birkin took it away. "Because... You belong to me, Albert," a soft voice whispered for an answer. "Just like... I belong to you..." Wesker mumbled an answer angrily, not realizing it confirmed what his lover had just said. He fumbled with Birkin's shirt, unable to get the buttons open with his shaking hands, so he settled for ripping it off. He didn't stop until the shirt was completely off and the younger man's upper body bared; then he proceeded to get the man's pants off. He cursed loudly as he was first stopped by the younger scientist's belt then by the button on the pants. He ripped it off after a few seconds of cursing and continued by practically destroying the pants as he ripped them away from the younger man's body, throwing Birkin's shoes and socks away in the process. Birkin lay still as his underwear met the same fate. He didn't want to fight and knew it wouldn't have been any good; it would have only made Wesker angrier, and he wasn't in any condition to fight anyway. He didn't really know if he wanted this, but it wasn't like he had a choice. It didn't matter if he resisted or not; Wesker was set on raping him anyway. "...I... hate you..." The older man mumbled, feeling more tears in his eyes just from the fact that he knew that what he was saying wasn't the truth. He didn't want to say it but the rage made him say things he didn't mean. Things like killing Birkin. He knew that wasn't going to happen, even if the younger man would have asked for it. "I don't care," Birkin mumbled for a response. "As long as you don't tell me to leave." "Don't go then..." Wesker found himself whispering, hating himself even more for saying it. He mumbled another curse, trying to get his own pants open. The garment was eventually treated the same way as Birkin's had been a moment earlier, and at the moment Wesker got the clothes out of the way of his burning erection, he forced the younger man's legs apart, grabbed him by the thighs and buried himself into his lover. It hurt like hell; the sane part of his mind that was now back nagged him for forgetting to use some lubricant and constantly reminded him that he was hurting William. He didn't care right now for the simple fact that he needed it too much, had needed it for weeks and needed to get rid of the pain inside. Birkin cried out silently when entered but then just lay there, biting his lip. He missed it just as much as his lover did; whatever he had done with Annette was mechanical even though he hadn't let the woman notice that. It hadn't given him the pleasure he needed anyway. This wasn't exactly what he wanted or needed either, but it didn't matter much as long as it was with Albert Wesker. He couldn't respond; his body had met enough abuse already and he was hurting all over. Being ripped apart like this didn't surely help things, but he still refused to resist. Wesker couldn't see anything; tears blurred his sight, and with all the feelings he had tried to keep away for weeks unleashed, he couldn't control himself at all. Pressing into William over and over again hurt him and even though he wasn't paying attention his feelings were hurting him more. He slipped one hand behind Birkin's neck, drawing the younger man upwards and kissing him again, less fiercely this time but passionately nonetheless. Birkin answered to the kiss, though weakly. "...Hate... it," Wesker mumbled against the kiss, not giving a damn that he was crying. "Why, William...? I... love you..." "Because I love you too," Birkin whispered, his left hand wandering on the sheets searching for something to grasp for support. His right hand had found the edge of the blanket, and his other hand soon found a part of Wesker's shirt which was hanging from the older man's side. "Because... I need you, like you need me..." The other man mumbled something, thrusting into his lover so violently that it made Birkin bite his lip as they kissed. Wesker blinked, tasting blood in his mouth. The taste had the same, sometimes unwelcome effect on him again and he lost the rest of his control for a moment. His body screamed for a release; as William had said, he needed him more than anything in the world. He lost the sense of time. He didn't know how long he had been doing this, or how much time had passed since Birkin had come to his room in the first place. Pressing into William turned less painful after a while as the younger man managed to relax a little, too numb to even try to answer. Wesker caressed his partner's lower back idly, not noticing he was doing so, and then out of some old habit moved his hand to his lover's crotch. He blinked, the fact that the feeling there wasn't what he had expected hitting his mind and looked down. His fingers were covered with blood and that finally snapped his mind - at least this time to the sane direction. Wesker stayed still for a moment, letting his mind fully realize what was happening. His body still burned with a need he had to satisfy, but his mind was stronger. He found himself shaking again. "...Gods, William...?" He whispered with a frail voice, staring at the younger man's face, his expression close to that of a scared child. "What have I done...?" Birkin opened his eyes, exhaling slowly. He managed a weak smile. "I... Think you forgave me... For the most part anyway... Albert." "Just... Look at you..." Wesker continued, still staring at his lover, eyes wide. "...You're bleeding... You're not even hard! Gods, William..." The younger man coughed softly. "Considering the facts here... I don't think you'd be either. Even though you are a little more masochistic than I am." Wesker couldn't think of anything for an answer. He wanted to move away, or rather, just to kill himself for doing what he had never wanted to do. He didn't want to hurt Birkin and had thought he wasn't capable of doing so. What his body still needed so badly that it was killing him was irrelevant. The only thing that crossed his mind anymore was that if he hadn't lost William before, now he had. He had lost everything. "...So... sorry..." He managed to mumble, pathetically clinging to Birkin without noticing it. "I'm more sorry, Albert. I hurt you so badly and still am hurting you. I guess it'll take a while before you can really forgive me, if ever, but please... Don't do this to me anymore. Don't do this to both of us... And..." William continued, smiling gently now. "Finish that. I know how much you need it... How much you need me." The older man didn't want to hear it; that Birkin was still willing to give himself to him even though all he had been doing was hurting him. He shook his head, pulling himself off of the younger man's body even though doing that hurt him just as much as continuing would have hurt him. "...I can't, William..." He whispered powerlessly. "I'm hurting you..." "Then I will," Birkin answered softly, pushing his lover off of him to lie on his back next to him. Turning around was painful, but he crawled next to the older man and let his left hand slip down on Wesker's body. His hand found its target soon enough, and he shook his head, feeling how painfully hard his lover was. He wrapped his fingers around Wesker's member, stroking gently with skill he had developed over the long time they had been together. "I am yours, Albert," he whispered, gathering enough strength to lean over and kiss Wesker's cheek. "Nothing will ever change that. Nothing..." Wesker didn't reply; he couldn't find any words. He wrapped his arms around the younger man, sobbing quietly. Birkin's hand working on his erection did its job soon enough. He couldn't take it anymore and wetted the younger man's palm, crying out William's name as he did. Before his mind slipped into darkness, he heard himself answering to Birkin's pledge. "...Yours... William..." The next time he opened his eyes, he was lying in his bed, naked. The room was dark. Wesker sighed, closing his eyes again and feeling the hurt inside of him returning. He had fallen asleep. It had been a dream; a sweet dream about something he so wanted but could never have again. "Why, William...?" He whispered, feeling tears in his eyes once more. Lying awake in the darkness. Alone. What was new anymore? "I think I've told you enough times already," answered a soft voice from the darkness. "Because do I love you, like you love me..." Wesker felt his heart stop beating. He felt empty and hurt; then so relieved. To make sure he wasn't hearing things, he turned to his side and grabbed whoever was there closer, drawing Birkin to a tight embrace. Birkin had been right before; it would take time before he could really forgive. It didn't matter right now. The worst of the rage was gone and he wasn't hurting so badly that he would have wanted to die anymore. "I... Thought I told you to get out of my life, William," he whispered, feeling just too relieved from the fact that the pain was fading. William chuckled quietly, wrapping his arms about the older man as well. "And I told you I can't go. Even if you could tell me to get out of your life and mean it, I can't let you go..." "Guess I really can't," Wesker answered, sighing. "You're right as you always are. I was hurting myself more than I was hurting you..." "Not entirely the truth," Birkin admitted. "I was hurting too, you know. A lot more than you'd ever guess. Or a lot more than anyone would have expected from me. Even I didn't expect it... I knew what I was doing, but I still didn't expect to find myself lying awake at nights, hurting and missing you. I guess we're not done talking about this and I guess it'll never stop hurting, but the worst should be over now. If you'll agree to a temporary truce that is?" Wesker turned to his back, holding the other man close and stroked Birkin's hair gently, staring at the ceiling that he couldn't really see in the darkness. "Do I have a choice? I love you, goddammit... William..." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "I really am sorry. I... raped you..." "You can't rape me, Albert," Birkin answered. "Not you. You were right about the fact that I wasn't hard but since when was it physical to me? I thought you knew me better after all these years. It's all in the mind and the control is what gives me what I want... It did hurt, of course. Still... No. You just can't do it." The older man closed his eyes, cursing the fact that he couldn't get the tears off of his eyes in his mind. "I still don't want to find myself ever hurting you again, William. The thought pains me enough." "Then stop thinking about it. You'll accomplish nothing by punishing yourself with thinking about it all the time." Wesker shook his head then took a deep breath and drew Birkin even closer, to practically lie on top of himself. "I presume you're the one who undressed me...?" The younger man laughed a bit. "Who else? Got to admit, it was slightly painful. My back really hurts thanks to being thrown at the wall. And let's say my lower body doesn't feel too good either. No, don't say anything. It's better now, thanks to the fact that you have some nice strong painkillers here. I'll live." "You'd better," Wesker answered, trying to ignore the tears in his eyes. "Now what, William? Where do we go from here?" Birkin nuzzled his face against the older man's neck; Wesker noticed only now that the younger man hadn't apparently shaved for a few days. The thought had a silly effect on him, even though he didn't know if thinking about sex was appropriate right now. "Now? I don't know. As I said, I guess we still have a lot of work to do, but right now... The one thing that angers you the most is away, as I said. So I would suggest we forget about it at least for tonight and work on our problems later..." The younger scientist paused then continued with a mischievous voice. "I think you owe me one here." Wesker smiled, feeling relaxed and contented for the first time in months. "...Yes. I guess I do. And I would love to do it right this time. I guess you're hurting enough already though, so let's save proving that I can do it better than what I did today later. I really have missed you, you know. I want you..." "I know. I want you too, and missed you." Birkin leaned in to kiss the older man gently. "Let's do it right, then. Because I know that you feel like I feel. If you can, when the morning comes, say you don't, then we weren't meant to be together..." The older scientist didn't answer. He knew he wouldn't say such a thing, because they were meant to be.
END.
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