It was cold that morning as it usually was during the winter up in the north. The snow was deep, up to my knees, and it wasn't easy to move around with my armor on. That has never, during all my time, been a problem to me, but, then again, I rarely get wounded badly. Usually only if I'm very careless or if I have to fight him...

I was wounded that morning though. There had been a skilled archer whom I didn't notice until it was too late in that battle, and his arrow had pierced my arm. Heh. He paid dearly for shooting me, but it didn't change the fact that I was wounded. That damn archer managed to distract me from my opponent as well, and the knight who I was fighting... or rather killing at that moment got a hit in, which resulted in a deep wound on my side where my armor isn't protecting me. I killed him too before going after that archer. The way he screamed when I cut his throat open was delightful.

The other knights in that battle unfortunately noticed that I was on the wrong side... Was I really? I just happened to find that battle and joined in. I'm not on anyone's side unless I choose to be. All I care about is the chaos those battles bring to this world. They grouped on me anyway, so I had to leave. I teleported away, not choosing my destination too carefully and found myself standing in a snowy forest, wounded and too weak to teleport again.

I could have just stayed where I was and waited until I healed enough, but why bother? I decided I could just as well continue and try to go somewhere. It's not like the cold bothered me, or the fact that my wounds were dripping blood. Such a lovely sight, really... Pure white snow, stained crimson with my own blood.

I found a village later that morning. I don't really know how much time had passed from the moment when I got hurt; it's not like I keep track of time. Time doesn't matter to someone like me. But that's where I collapsed. Surprising, I must say. I didn't even remember when was the last time that I was so hurt that I fainted. Perhaps it was one of the times when I was dueling with my shadow...

There were sounds coming from the village; someone had noticed me lying in the snow near the village entrance and alerted other people. I couldn't see them, but judging from the different voices, there were several men.

"It's a Mirage Knight," I heard one of them say. "A monster. Don't go close to it..."

"Black armor and a horned helmet... Looks like one, yeah," said another voice. "But why is it lying there?"

I only grinned. They couldn't see me do it, of course, as I was lying on the ground, but that doesn't matter. Not to me...

"I don't know. I've never seen a wounded Mirage..." Continued a third voice.

"Wounded?" Asked the first person. "So someone almost got the damn thing. I say we kill it now before it gets its strength back and hurts someone."

"Wait. It's bleeding..." Said yet another voice.

I found the conversation rather boring. If they were so convinced that I was a threat to the village, why didn't they kill me without thinking about it so carefully? Would have been fun to see them try anyway. It's not like humans like them could kill me.

"So what?" The second voice commented. "You want to try helping it or something, Davon? Guess you would, as a healer..."

"Healer or not, those things killed your wife," said that first voice. "You've got to be kidding."

How pathetic humans are sometimes. I bet I did look like a Mirage Knight to them. Of course. People in such remote villages are usually used to having to protect themselves from monsters. I would have showed them what monsters really are like if I hadn't been is such a bad condition.

"Look at him! He's bleeding. Ever seen a Mirage Knight bleeding?" The one they called Davon answered. "You think I don't hate Mirages? I do. But... Even so, I can't let you kill him. He's fatally wounded by the looks of it. And he's breathing..."

Cute. I could practically sense how much Davon hated me for looking like a Mirage. Still, he couldn't let the others kill me. I would have laughed if I had been in any condition to do so. His inner chaos felt quite amusing...

"I agree," said the third voice. "Look; he was coming from that way. He's bleeding badly. How he made it this far without some beasts attacking him is beyond me, but we can't just leave him lying here. Mirage or not..."

"It's a demon I say," the first voice commented. "But do as you please..."

Demon, yes. How right he was. I would have told him that if I could have. All I could do at that moment was lie there, feeling quite weak. Weakness is something I don't like much, but the feelings altogether weren't all that bad. I was hurting badly. Pain can be quite amusing at times. As long as it's not inflicted by him, I can, at times, find it pleasurable...

I felt someone touching me and turning me around then checking me. From the feeling that touch delivered, I guessed it was the one called Davon. He felt so delightfully conflicted about helping me. He hated me for what I represented but yet...

"Demon? It's a man clad in a black armor, you idiots! Look at him... I don't know how he's survived for this long. With only this clothing on it's a surprise he hasn't frozen to death."

I guess I blacked out for a moment at that point because I couldn't hear what else they talked about while they picked me up and carried me somewhere. The next thing I remember was that I was lying on a bed, and someone was checking me while telling someone else that he was fine and would manage alone.

The man checking and tending to my wounds was of course that healer, Davon. It was unfortunate - to him or me in the end, I don't know - that I couldn't much resist or do anything as he removed my armor and my clothes. I guess he cleaned the my wounds and tied them. I can't really remember what happened before I woke up the next time, and it was, according to their time, afternoon.

I know I had a dream of him. Pesmerga. He's the only one I dream about anyway. Him and chaos. I never sleep anyway, so on the rare occasions I do, he's always in my dreams... I couldn't remember what the dream had been about at that time except that he was there.

The reason I woke up was that I heard someone talking. From the voice I figured it was one of the men from before and the healer. They were talking about me. Something about someone whose name I didn't hear going to check where I had come from and finding out that my tracks just suddenly stopped in the middle of nowhere. The man talking to Davon warned him that there was something seriously wrong about me. Davon agreed; I had to wonder how much he had seen of me. I guess that by then he had noticed that I heal remarkably faster than humans.

Chaotic, that Davon. So he did agree that I wasn't a normal human; I could sense how suspicious he was, and how he was willing to believe I was just a Mirage Knight after all. And still he told the other man that he couldn't just let me die. Humans. Interesting and quite amusing.

I watched him silently for a long time after the other man left. He was surely the healer of the village. He had medical supplies in his house; he was working on making some medicine during the afternoon. He checked on me often, and he stopped to stare at me for long periods of time, again feeling so conflicted.

He woke me up sometime during that evening. I was, of course, awake, but since I was pretending to sleep, he didn't know any better.

"You need to eat something," he said. "And you haven't even touched the tea I made. I've tried to make you drink it but..."

"I don't eat," I answered, smirking a little. "I don't need any tea either. These wounds are nothing. Painful, perhaps... It's quite interesting feeling really."

He brought me a bowl with some soup in it. I took it and ate, just to amuse him. I didn't need the energy to heal, but I figured it wouldn't hurt. He checked my wounds again after I was done, shaking his head.

"You're a strange one..." He mumbled. "Healing like that..."

"What if I'm a mage? One that can heal himself?" I lied. So I could have just left at that point, but I decided that I could stay there and wait until I was fully healed. It's not a problem really, being wounded... Wouldn't be unless I ran into him of course. Not being able to escape would be a problem.

Davon didn't really believe me, but he didn't comment more on the matter. "You're cold," he stated a moment later. "I expected you to get high fever, but your body temperature is just too cold... I've done all I can, but..."

"Oh, that's fine," I said, grinning slightly now. "Quite normal. My body's just trying to heal..."

He didn't answer but just continued working with his medicine for the rest of the night. Before going to sleep, he stopped to check on me again. His inner conflict was getting stronger. I think that at that point he was seriously convinced that I wasn't human. He mumbled something about me feeling way too cold.

I decided to try to sleep a little. Not such a good idea most of the time, since I knew I was going to dream about him again. I remember that dream, too. We fought; we usually do in my dreams. He won. Of course he won, I was injured. That's why I had decided to rest in the first place.

The rest of the dream was more unclear. Pesmerga usually attempts to kill me, but this time he just held me. He said he knew better; that he knew he can't kill me in a dream. My last memory of that dream was that we lay embraced in the middle of the nothingness.

There was someone next to me when I woke up, though. Davon had come to the conclusion that I might die during the night if he didn't manage to keep me warm. So he was there, trying to warm me with his own body. How clever. How did he think he was going to be able to warm me when all the blankets I had didn't warm me at all? Or the fire in the fireplace... That kind of thing won't warm me.

"Your eyes..." He said quietly in the darkness.

"You sure checked me thoroughly if you noticed," I answered. "Is there something wrong with them?"

Davon looked away. "I've never seen eyes like that. They're a demon's eyes. You..."

"...I am not a human?" I offered. "I'm afraid your friends were right from the beginning. I'm not too different from the Mirages that killed your wife I'm afraid. So. Will you attempt to kill me now?"

That inner chaos of his was beautiful. He had been suspicious; he had hated me from the beginning. I think he just knew from the moment he decided to help me that the others were right. Still, he made no attempt to get a weapon. I couldn't understand why really.

"Just another demon. What makes me or any humans any better than you if I now kill you?" He asked. "I don't judge by appearance, though you didn't look too human even without your armor. I can sense it... Evil power in you. I could sense it when I first touched you. But what makes me better than a Mirage? Better than a monster?"

I smiled, getting out of the bed. "Interesting question. Most humans don't ask. You do... You're more interesting than those who don't ask. You hate me. You wish I didn't exist, and yet you chose to help me. Why? Just so you won't be a demon?"

Davon sat up, looking at me. He shook his head, closing his eyes. "I choose not to be. Meanwhile, you're cursed. You can't choose. Your power... I pity you."

Pity. That's what has gotten a lot of humans killed. I guess it was his downfall in the end too. "Why? You hate anything that even resembles a monster," I asked, curious.

"I see you're not a normal demon," he answered. "I don't know what exactly you are. Maybe you're a higher-level, intelligent Mirage Knight. But your healing ability... Everything in you... You can't choose. Tell me, Mirage... Would you choose if you could?"

"Choose not to be a demon? Or choose to die? I don't know. Maybe I would..." I didn't feel like telling him that if I really chose to die, there is a very easy way. All I have to do is stop running...

"I choose to be a human. I could've killed you in your sleep, but I took a vow a long time ago. I do hate your kind, but you're my patient, and I made a choice when taking you in."

Sad, really, the way humans find their peace. I took King Crimson and just killed him, not even bothering making it anything special. He looked at me with the blade embedded to his chest and smiled before life left him. I guess he wanted it in the end. To be killed by a monster, like his wife had died. I didn't really care at that time. I felt healed enough so I took my armor and teleported away from that pathetic village.

Choices.

I'm not sure, as I told him. Would I really choose to be something different if I could? A human? That's, of course, something I'm not and don't even want to be. Their lives are quite meaningless in the end. Davon's choice was interesting, in any case. Why make such a choice if he knew I might kill him?

Heh. Dying is so easy. Would be for me too if I really wanted to make that choice. He can kill me. He's the only one who can anyway. But I guess my choice is to keep running. I have no intention to let him win and besides, I have more important things to do. Finding some good chaos isn't the easiest task in the world, of course, with him following me. He has an annoying habit of showing up where I find chaos. But that's what he chose to do. He chose to chase me.

Or did he? Did I? I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I chose to follow him and he chose to run from me. Sounds chaotic really. Maybe I should try following him sometimes, just to see what it's like... It would result in another duel, but would that really matter? It happens at times because I guess that in the end, that silly healer is right.

I can't choose. I'm this, and Pesmerga is the one who chooses to chase after me.

Author's notes:

Eh. Weird Yuber thing based on some random idea I came up with once.

This was a Xmas gift to Maiko-sensei.

- Lady Harken (December, 2003)