I had ran from it -- ran from them all. Slamming the door to the recent events of what was revealed to be my fate -- and their fates -- I stood for a long time against the door, shutting my eyes tightly against the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. My back arched, my body was tense, rock-like as I was immovable, silent and full of denial. Their worried shouts I could not hear, nor their knocks, nor their seemingly understanding words. Well, they were wrong in that! They could not understand... I had simply wanted that time to pause, as if the world would stop ticking as I allow myself even but a few seconds of pretense. But oh no, not for me. That did not happen at all for who was I to change the current of life? A bringer of fate but not a redeemer to my own... How pathetic.

That was long over now though, I finally collapsing on the inappropriately large bed of my room. The bed was so cold as it reflected my heart and I curled up into a tight ball, drowned in the river of my never-ending tears. All I could think of was them, all that had been taken away from me...

Nanami, how could you leave me?

After Grandpa Genkaku a year ago then Jowy who had betrayed...

How could you do this to me?

There is no one left. How could I...? How could...?

A sob escapes my throat, and I grip the sheets of the bed tightly, my knuckles turning to white. Damn it! I know I should not act this way! That there is a whole country I have to fight for is reason not to! And my pain would not even equal to theirs but...!

A long time passes as the hot liquid continues to pour out from me. My eyes are red, sore. And I could do nothing but allow myself this one night of tears as tomorrow, my duty to everyone would have to be implemented again. There is nothing to live for but that now so to dwell on these matters should be gotten over with as quickly as possible...

Even though...

Even though it hurts...

Lying in bed then, I stare up at the ceiling as if to distract myself. It's dark all throughout now and the voices of my concerned comrades had faded, giving me a night of mourning, as was my right. Outside, as I have not noticed before, was the loud rapping of rain against the rooftop, my only solace on this very night.

Where are you Elder Sister? I could only wonder, breathing in ragged breaths. You hate the rain, I know. But you are safe now, aren't you? You're in heaven where you belong. There with Grandpa Genkaku, playing hide and seek with the angels. How bright your smile must be as your eyes gleam with mischief, pretty with a halo on your head. Dressed in white, decked in gold as you shine like the stars that I could not see tonight. You're laughing, I could almost hear, not at me but at how beautiful your life has been.

And I could almost hear you whisper too, to me who lies weeping for you...

Little brother, don't cry. There's no reason to cry now as your Elder Sister is doing fine! Look! Look here! See the cloud I'm standing on? It's my very own special cloud, you see. And one day, I'll let you ride it too!

But Nanami... I want to be there with you...

Not with this pain, this anxiety that I feel so vividly within my soul...

No! No! You have to wait. You have to wait like all good little boys do. That's what your sister orders! And you always have to listen to your elder sister!

But...

Sitting up, again I wipe my tears with the naked back of my hand. Denial, I realize, had occured earlier on. Then suddenly, this disillusion? Why so? Why so even after Nanami and Jowy left? Haven't I experienced enough? Why must sanity leave me also?

I breathe deeply then, my legs moving as if by their own accord and I find myself standing before the enormous window as I witness the harsh rain outside. So many... So many had happened in just a few days. It almost seemed so futile to stop the flow. After the slaughter of the Highland Unicorn Brigade -- the blood of my fellow young friends spilled on the ground. After Jowy and I had traveled back and forth to our home in Kyaro. After the burning of Ryube, the Mercenary Fort and Toto. The death of so many and that unforgettable event at the Toto Shrine...

So many events had flowed like an everlasting spring and I had no choice but to either drown or to go with the flow. After that, I had ended up here, a child leading an army as I -- with the other chosen fighters -- had defeated even Prince Luca Blight. And now... this.

Jowy had left us to join the other side. Both of us believing that we are correct...

Definitely... is he wrong? Or... am I?

And Nanami...

I held back another sob. And again I wished to move away from here, as if physical destination alone could make this ache vanish. A soft patter of footsteps and this time, I was in front of the door. I turned the knob and hesitated, uncertain if the others were still outside. My will was stronger though as I pushed it finally, the familiar hallway coming into view. I looked from side to side, glad that no person was around, and walked away from the room, turning to a specific direction. I found myself ascending a flight of stairs... Up and up...

I had watched him. Watched from the time Doctor Huan delivered the fatal news. I screamed a protest for him as my heart knew so many things that should have not made this fate a reality.

Too young, the both of them. Kiaran was too young for this pain! Nanami too young to die! They were just two orphaned children from a war that lasted far longer than their lives. And now it ends like this? Even after fighting so hard... Only to lose like this...

My heart was aching at this event. After all, this kind of loss is very familiar to me. Only a few years back...

Now, I was standing against the hallway wall across from the door to his room as our comrades knock and scream for him, caring words that asked if he was okay and that he should not do anything foolish now after that certain occurance that happened after the liberation of Rockaxe. I said nothing, almost wanting to shush my panicked comrades, as I knew exactly what he felt at this very moment, about the denials and anger and loneliness... and then the sheer helplessness after...

That's why I stood here, intending to do so until our aching, lonely leader would finally need. And one by one, I witnessed as the others retired with intentions to bring comfort tomorrow, if still necessary. Minutes passed and seemingly hours as the muffled sobs reached my ears. Then it ceased and there was now the possibility that he had cried himself to sleep and there was nothing to do anymore but be like the others, walking away and hoping that we may still comfort him tomorrow.

And so I left that hallway, unsure exactly of what to do next. There was no sleep for me tonight, I knew, as I recall an ancient pain. And no comfortable warm bed nor swigs of spirits can diminish that certain part of me. Turning a corner, I leave the floor, walking down the steps intead of using the elevator, having no real aim but just having the desire to distract myself. So, I walked, roaming the castle as far as I could, or rather, how far along the guards would allow us the inhabitants to wander. Doors lined up one after the other, some belonging to mere soldiers and the others to civilians and also to the 108 Stars of Destiny. I see the door of the learned Shu, the caring Apple and even everyone's brawny friend Viktor. I walk up and down the stairs, right and left, wherever my feet would lead me to. And then suddenly, I stop as I encounter one door in particular.

With my half-conscious little travel, I had come back in front of Kiaran's room, the suffering soul of the day. There is still no sound but the rain that had began to fall many minutes ago and again I somehow know that he is still on his night rest. Turning, I head on up, to the roof where I could watch more vivdly the simple way that nature works, of how immensely uncomplicated a rain could be on a night such as this.

I take a step then, up the stairs, as I feel yet again the burden of having lost someone dear in the past. I begin to think of our leader again and of how he was now feeling the pain that I had only felt before. He reflects me now even as I don't want him to for who could ever deserve such a scar on their soul?

And so, up and up do I go, half-aware of my ascent as I reach the top, heading towards the door where the loud sound of rain pattering was coming from. There was no moon, no stars, only a black heaven which mourned for yet another lost life. And the world was crying with one who had the task to be the one to be left behind, like myself... A fitting night indeed.

Sighing, I passed the doorway, intending to just stand underneath a small shade just before the canopy of rainfall, wanting to just watch. But as I took in the dark, wet, cold view, my eyes suddenly encountered a small boyish form underneath the heavy downpour, a mere pale thing compared to the blinding darkness. And my eyes widened as I realized who it was.

Underneath the drapery of an unforgiving night, it was none other than Kiaran, standing so still as the cold rain was soaking through his clothes. He was looking off to the inky lake, at how the currents were harsh as they crashed along the rocks of the shore. His back was stiff, as he was tense, unyielding to the discomfort of the surroundings. He just stands there, as if the sky was his mood and this night was his reflection. I hear a sob, soft and restrained, and immediately, I come nearer to him, I myself ignoring this weather.

"Kiaran..." I nearly whisper in the gentleness of my voice. I am surprised myself at this tone for after her death years back, I have learned to be a bit distant to people. It was the personal trauma that I had encountered, as I had earned that particular scar. And now, I was feeling for our leader, one who felt the same.

He does not turn to me and yet there is the subtle hint that he was surprised at my presence, having still that tiny awareness as he had not completely drowned into his mourning. He breathes a deep breath then, as if supressing his tears, as if wanting to pretend to be a man and a leader as he is in the presence of one of his followers. And then he speaks, his voice forced to lose its trembling agony... yet failing...

"May I help you?" He asks, his voice nearly inaudible amidst the loud patter of rain. So formal and so responsible even at this time...

I hurt. I hurt for him because I knew exactly what it felt like to be in that position. I knew the feeling that one would have as one thinks that nothing could ever alleviate their bleeding heart. This lucid madness...

But then I realize something even amidst that. That he is different altogether than me. His words -- the statement that queried about another's state before his own. That was why he had become leader of the resistance, no matter how young and no matter how pained. That was why I was one of his followers. In that, he is special for bellying all of it as he carries the world across his shoulders.

"Please... If you don't require anything of me..." His voice is failing to be brave as he falters along the way. "I... I'd like to be alone..."

One more realization. Another important truth that was suddenly unveiled. That no matter how brave and no matter how responsible... He is still a child... Secretly an orphaned soul who had no pillar to fall back on.

"You should go back in, Kiaran..." I contradict his words. "I require nothing of you but... You should go in... You might catch a cold... or something..." I could almost cringe at my inability at simple caring words. Just a few years of avoiding human contact and this happens? But it was to be expected perhaps. That I turn cold enough that even I would have a hard time in distinguishing myself. But if there is one last warm thing I would do... It would perhaps be to prevent another soul from suffering my tragedy. To save another so as to redeem myself...

There are no words thrown back at me. No scorn, no defiance and not even a polite 'no thank you'. He just stands there, breathing deeply, restrained in his tears. The young warrior who refused to break down.

"Lord Kiaran..." I speak to him, taking another step. A few more steps before I am nearly invading his space, myself wanting to just drape my cape over him and lead him back to his room. I wanted to wrap him in warm blankets, to comfort him in the best possible ways... To be a warm presence to help him mourn contrasting to my solitary mourning of years back. I did not want him to be alone. I did not want him to suffer.

As I was about to speak his name again though, he sighs, narrow shoulders slumping in his weariness. I expected to hear words from him but all that was present was the fierce night and weather. There was no other sound for seemingly hours as I concurrently try to strengthen my resolve at helping no matter how much he desires me not to.

"Kia-" But I was interrupted...

"Why is it this way, Flik?" His voice trying not to sound young and tired and lonely. But I see through him because he reminded me of myself. "Even after so much... To come this far... and..." Another sigh, a few seconds of silence then... "Flik... Is fate truly unchangeable?"

"Fate..." Another boy had asked that question. Three years in the past, one more soul was travelling the lonesome path of solitude and tragedy. That boy had asked the same question. But until now, perhaps there was no available answer. Though I believe that perhaps fate is changeable, sometimes to just believe and have faith is too futile anyway. It doesn't really have any purpose.

"To lose people who care for us..." Kiaran whispered almost inaudibly. "I don't understand why..."

"A cycle of life." I could only whisper back, not truly knowing what to say. "For life to evolve, death and birth go hand in hand. It hurts us but it's something that had always had to happen..."

"A cycle." he says in near silence. "A cycle that is full of pain."

"But pain makes us grow. Pain harnesses us and helps us develop into our full potential. Perhaps there is fate in the pain of loss... Perhaps it is a means to teach us things..." Absurd reasoning but it almost made sense.

"What would she have wanted to teach us then?"

"To never let a moment pass..." I guessed, shrugging, before my eyes widened at those specific words. Truly yes! To never let a moment pass... like this one...

Bitterness cloaks the words that were replied and there was ill-humor to it, something disturbing. "But what moment shall be mine now that all has been taken away?"

And my resolve firms against all odds and what transpires next is almost automatic. Sagging wet it may be but still useful in some ways, my cape sheltered him from the storm, a warm arm of mine pulling his shivering pale frame to my chest. In suprise, he gasps but there is nothing he could truly do as I am pulling him towards the inside of the building, to be safe from the merciless weather.

"Lord... Flik..." he whispers once he was coherent enough to lean against a stone wall and look up at my eyes. His lips was painted with sorrow, pure and so unfitted for someone like him.

"What moment shall be yours?" I repeat his question. Then I smile and I hold him securely in my arms, pulling him gently to follow my ascent down the stairs, walking him back to his room until his door closes and we are both inside. "What moment... what about this one?"

So quick, I wrap him in warm blankets, barely recalling to rid him of his sopping wet garments. Then he was in the bed, comforted by the heat and human contact. I embraced him... Embraced him like no one embraced me when I mourned. I held him so close as no one had held me so close in the recent years. And I spoke words that I myself never heard during my time of tragedy.

"This moment, so warm against a cold, wet night. Remember it, Kiaran. Remember that even in the worst night in your young life, perhaps there is hope somewhere. Perhaps not in me but what I could represent. Remember this... Know that this could happen again... Tenfold where care would be at its maximum and warmth will bind you even greater."

A small speech of my ranting mind. I nearly smiled in humor at myself if only the moment was without sorrow. A deep breath I take then finally I look down at the pale face, expecting tears to slowly fade away...

But Kiaran was smiling. Smiling at my words. Not in humor but in an almost hope. In my heart, I truly wished my words were true. For him... and for myself too...

A few more minutes and I just hold him this way until his breathing becomes relaxed and it is obvious that he had finally retired for the night. A small smile too touches my face and I finally decide to disentangle myself from him in a slow and gentle manner. Laying him down on the soft pillows and mattress, I walk silently towards the door, knowing that I had to fix myself too so that I too would not catch any illness. In front of the door though...

"Flik..." I sense a small smile at the sound of my name and I smiled softly, my eyes warming quite a bit.

"Yes, Lord Kiaran?"

"...Thank you..." A groggy, sleepy declaration but genuine nonetheless. "And Good Night..."

Nodding silently, I turned the knob and stepped out, closing the door securely behind me before pausing shortly to respond to him. "Thank you too, Lord Kiaran..." I smile in truth as well. "And Good Night."

Author's notes:

[1] Kiaran, yes, is Hero2.
[2] Yes, there are hints of Flik+Hero2 but since I like Flik being the ^^;;; bottom in a relationship, this is just a Hero2 comfort fic. It made sense to make Flik be the comforter since he was the one who reacted in the most blatant manner when Nanami died. Also because he knows Hero2's pain during that particular night.
[3] It just occured to me that there's no fic out there discussing Hero2's pain. Everyone writes about McDohl's pain but Hero2 had his own pain but there was never any comfort fics for him out there...

- Crystal