"............."

"C'mon!"

"............."

"You aren't doing much to convince me otherwise!"

The silver-haired man opened an oversized book, positioning it between himself and his companion. Infuriated, Seed slammed his mug of ale onto the desktop, sending the liquid into the air.

Culgan sighed, a mixture of exasperated humor whose boundaries were worn thin. "I told you. I don't know." Under his breath, he muttered something about the papers strewn across the desk. "And I honestly don't care if you believe me or not."

"Hmmph." Eyes narrowing, Seed drew away and stalked in a slowly diminishing circle, finally coming to a rest before Culgan. "I can't believe you don't remember your birthday. You're making this more difficult than it should be." The redhead adopted a slight pout, designed more for seduction than any expression of frustration. He leaned over the book, locking eyes with his ever-patient lover. "Tell me."

"No."

".............."

"Seed, I don't remember my birth date. My family was never much for celebration."

"I can see that," Seed mumbled, turning his back on Culgan and staring out the window. "But you can at least tell me what you'd like...a gift. You know how people give each other presents on special days, and..."

"The thought is flattering Seed, but you needn't go to all that trouble. There's no need for me to think up a trivial gift for a day I can't even remember."

Seed grimaced. "You just don't want to admit you're 45 instead of 26. That's white hair, and you won't face up to it."

Culgan smirked with rare good humor. "Do I move like a man of 45?"

Blazing red eyes bore twin holes into the book, refusing to rise to the bait. "Hell with this. I'm going for a walk."

Culgan raised his head slightly, watching the redhead's back with ice-blue eyes. He let out a sigh upon hearing the door slam, setting the book aside and taking in damage done to his desk. "Damn." He shook a few papers free of the beer, thankful that he'd had the foresight to file his important documents upon Seed's entrance. It would've served the red-head well if he had to redo them; that would likely take up the entire night, promising his lover a cold bed to sleep in.

"Why in blazes does he care about my birthday?" Musing aloud, Culgan discarded the thought for future pondering. To actually spend any time wondering on the actions of his lover was indeed a waste of time, and rarely beneficial to him. As it was, he'd have to spend enough time cleaning up the mess before him.

"This sucks." Seed frowned upon glancing into the shop window, bored to death. He'd busted his ass for the last few days, trying to get Culgan to reveal his birth date. When that didn't work, he'd resorted to attacking his lover's ego by challenging him on his age. Culgan had simply stared at him until he couldn't stand it anymore. "All this just to get an idea for a gift. Jerk."

Shuffling along morosely, Seed happened to notice Klaus running towards him, his face filled with something close to fear.

"Klaus! Stop!" Spinning in a half circle, he raced after the young man, afraid he'd have to tackle him to the ground in order to stop him.

"Sir Seed, I am in a hurry. If you don't mind..."

"Of course I mind! What's the rush?"

Klaus gave a soft wounded sound, looking as if he might jump out of his skin. "It's Valentine's Day, Sir Seed. And...I..." The youth swallowed hard, looking uncharacteristically flustered. "...forgot."

Seed gave a chuckle of commiseration before forcing a serious, and, he hoped, threatening look on his face. "I need help, Klaus. I need to find a gift, and I have no clue where to begin!" Frustrated, he shook the lithe strategist with mock anger.

"Seed!" Klaus blanched. "I regret to say I have no experience in buying gifts for a man. I would think you'd have the easier job!"

Seed laughed, all pretenses gone. It was rare to see his young friend so frazzled, and he experienced a moment's pity for him. "I'm sure Princess Jillia would be happy with anything you gave her. Unlike my idiot partner." Grinning at the thought, he continued. "Besides...it isn't as if you're dating, right?"

"No! Of course not." The boy grew even paler.

"Then what did Princess Jillia get you?"

Klaus stared at him blankly, amethyst eyes regarding him with something close to hostility. "How should I know? Valentine's Day isn't until tomorrow!"

Seed crushed his immediate desire to shake the boy until his teeth rattled. "Last year, Klaus. Last year. What did she get you?"

The hyperactive teenager struggled to remember. "A few Escape Talismans. You know I hate wandering through dungeons and getting dirty." Klaus actually smiled then, before quickly regressing into his previous state of agitation.

Seed scratched his head. "Escape...?"

"Sir Seed, I really have to go." Taking pity on Klaus, Seed released him and amused himself by watching the youth race into the nearest store. "Puppy love." With Klaus gone, Seed was again left with his thoughts, and growing frustration. He considered stalking a few of the young women nearby, but feared being tossed into jail by one of them.

"What to get...what to get..." Sigh

Giving the desk a critical eye, Culgan nodded satisfactorily and turned attention to the small dining area. In three years, he'd used it twice. Both times, the redhead had quickly diverted his attention to the bedroom, which was where he was now headed.

Mind still working over Seed's peculiar obsession, Culgan turned to look out the window, watching familiar faces running to and fro. Valentine's Day... He shook his head disapprovingly before settling onto the bed. Maybe I can get a nap before the whirling terror returns. He lay back, staring at the ceiling, mind refusing to relinquish its grip on the mystery of his lover. Why now? Culgan tossed a bit, trying stubbornly to fall asleep. He'd spent most of the week with Seed, and his hyperactive lover had worn him to the bone. The younger man could've been a vampire for all the sleep he'd gotten.

"Sir Culgan!"

Culgan blinked, the voice recognizable even through the heavy wood. He immediately sat up and headed for the door in long strides, opening it to reveal the strained face of Princess Jillia.

"Princess...where are your guards?" Distressed, Culgan drew the young lady into his apartment, intent on returning her quickly to the castle.

"Sir Culgan...I require some advice. Please?" Jillia's fair face was flushed, eyes wide with the look of someone caught stealing. She used her minimal frame to push Culgan away from the door, shutting it from prying eyes.

"Princess Jillia, that is not a wise idea." Not bothering to wait for the girl's admonishment, Culgan opened the door and stood in plain view. He had no intention of allowing rumors to develop from a harmless and unexpected encounter, since he'd be given little chance to explain them.

Intuitively picking up on Culgan's concerns, Jillia smoothed her skirts and allowed Culgan to escort her from the apartment. "Then...may we speak on the way back? Do you realize how difficult it was to arrive here unseen?"

"Princess..." Culgan sighed. It was hard to maintain a severe façade around the young girl, but he didn't want to encourage her youthful rebellion. "Well...it must be a very serious and very important question. Of course we can discuss it."

Jillia's eyes lit up considerably, and she was fairly bouncing with exuberance. "It's Valentine's Day tomorrow." Culgan groaned at the reminder and the young princess fluttered at him impatiently. "I must find a gift! Something unique and special. I can't get him another escape talisman...but that's all I can think of!"

"Him?" Culgan looked at Jillia with some concern.

"I'm almost 14 years old, Sir Culgan." Her tone was so serious that Culgan had to smile. "And besides, Sir Klaus is nothing more than a friend, but I treasure his affections." Jillia looked up at Culgan beseechingly, and he found himself smiling in return.

"You certainly have the mannerisms of a young lady, although I'd consider this recent action of yours more along the lines of a child. That, or you're exaggerating your feelings for Klaus." Against his wishes, Culgan's voice grew stern.

Jillia said nothing, preferring to look at the ground. She fussed with her dress, trying to keep the garment from trailing in the dirt.

When Culgan could see the castle, he resumed his conversation with the princess, although he couldn't imagine how he'd be of any use. "Perhaps an amethyst would please your young man." He winced at the idea, but he had nothing else to offer.

The suggestion delighted Jillia, although she nudged her escort for his choice of words. "That's a beautiful idea! It would match Sir Klaus' eyes." Jillia seemed to be swooning, much to Culgan's discomfort. "Is that what you're getting Sir Seed?"

Culgan swallowed his next breath, coughing in an attempt to clear his throat. "We'll keep that between us, Princess Jillia."

The young girl grinned and returned his comment in a conspiratorial manner. "As we will keep this escapade from the attention of others."

Flustered, Culgan allowed the princess to escort him to an area of no particular interest. Upon closer inspection, he observed that it was near to the kitchen. "Thank you, Sir Culgan. I guess I'd better get back." Jillia's little face took on an elfish appearance, and she giggled mischievously. "Men rarely notice anything. Anyway, wish me luck!"

Culgan stood watch until he could no longer see the princess, still unsettled by her almost supernatural skills of observation. Then again, Seed hadn't made it a matter of importance to keep their relationship secret. Jillia's precocious nature was as surprising to him as her continual insistence on referring to him as "Sir." Shaking his head in consternation, he headed for the library. Perhaps I can catch up on some of that reading I've been meaning to do. Although he was loathe to admit it, Seed did make his life more exciting than it would otherwise be.

Hands in pockets, Seed continued his trek down L'Renouille's market street, stopping every once in a while to consider the offerings in a store window. Blah People wandered the streets, hands full of packages that give no indication of their contents. Vendors where hawking their wares in alleyways, catcalling hopeful buyers into purchasing baubles that would likely make Culgan stare at him for hours on end, wondering if he'd gone insane.

It would've helped had Culgan given any indication of knowing what tomorrow was. The man might've picked up on Seed's ulterior motives and given him a clue. Then again, they'd never exchanged gifts before, so Seed had no cause to think Culgan might get wind of his motives.

To add to his growing frustration, his lordship Solon Jhee was smirking at him from the doorway of an unidentifiable store.

"Something on your mind, Captain Seed?"

"Huh." Seed gave a lackluster attempt at recognizing his superior officer with respect, although it wasn't demanded off-duty. Solon's smirk seemed to swallow his face, and after thinking for a bit, he dropped onto the ground and headed for Seed.

"I guarantee I have a more interesting gift than you." Seed decided it might be worth the pain of dying just to shove his fist through Solon's face. However, he couldn't pass up the opportunity to see this novel item, as empty handed as he was.

"I'll bet. So are you going to show me?"

Solon's braggadocio continued for several minutes until he finally pulled out something that looked to be small pieces of paper stuck together.

"The hell?"

Solon frowned impressively. "They're called love vouchers." Seed made a face, not comprehending the word. Solon's amusement at his ignorance was almost unbearable. "They're like coupons. You give one to your girlfriend and she has to do what it says. Get it?"

"I don't know...sounds stupid."

"You think anything that has to be read is stupid." Solon pulled away from him, gloating at the insult.

"Wait...I...didn't mean it like that. Can I see them?" Truth be told, Seed was desperate. He gave a look he hoped was humbly submissive, and Solon handed over the item reluctantly. "Don't screw them up, ok?"

"Sure sure." He stared at the non-descript item, praying that it might answer his prayers. All-Nighter? Seed's brows furrowed, and he flipped another tiny page. Bearer is Entitled to One Erotic Massage "The hell?" Seed repeated, looking up at Solon, who grinned at him wolfishly.

"Umm...these look like things you are supposed to do...not her." Seed remarked, intrigued despite himself.

"Yeah...well...what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Solon grabbed the booklet from him and turned to go.

"Sir...where did you get that?"

"Take a guess, farm boy."

Seed made a face at Solon's retreating back, sticking out his tongue childishly. I guess I can try that store there. Can't hurt. Crossing his fingers, he entered the establishment, closing the door behind him.

It was nearly 10pm, and Seed still hadn't returned. Culgan ignored the growing urge to go out and look for him; he was possessive but tried hard to hide that fact. He poured himself another glass of wine, ticking off the number he'd already imbibed. Culgan wondered if he might seem pathetic, waiting here like this. It was not in his nature to affect this sort of demeanor, and it mattered to him how others perceived him. No one is here to see you. Sighing, Culgan was just lifting the glass to his lips when Seed entered the apartment.

Restraining his impulse to grab the younger man and shake him, Culgan adopted an appearance of great calm. Seed grinned sheepishly, recognizing that smile for what it was...controlled anger.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't watching the time, and got to screwing around with some friends." Seed closed the door and hastened over to Culgan's side, sitting next to him on the couch. In his pocket was the wondrous little book of romantic notions, and he was bursting with the need to give the gift to his lover.

"Really." Culgan's voice was threaded with veins of ice.

Seed's voice increased a notch in anticipation of an argument. "Don't be so jealous. I spent most of the day shopping."

Culgan stopped in mid-thought. "Shopping? What in Highland for?"

"You're so dense sometimes. Don't you know that tomorrow..."

Culgan completed the sentence with him. "...is Valentine's Day?"

Seed gave a short laugh. "Yes, it is. And I wanted to get you a gift. Since you're so crabby, I think I'll give it to you tonight."

Culgan's brows furrowed, and he considered Seed for a long time. Discomforted by the stare, Seed pulled away. "What? I wanted to get you something. I thought you'd have figured it out by now...that the birthday thing was only a ruse."

Culgan suddenly found the wall of great interest.

"Huh. Fine. I guess it was a stupid idea." Seed's voice was an inch short of full-blown rage and something Culgan had never heard before. Pain.

"No..." Culgan reached over and forced Seed to face him. "I'm sorry I never made the connection. You've never expressed interest in this sort of thing before, and I'm somewhat unfamiliar with gift-giving." Unfamiliar was a kind word. Culgan had been raised in a loving but financially demanding environment, and even major holidays were viewed as a waste of time and money. Until now, Seed had given no indication of feeling otherwise.

Seed shrugged, bowing his head and mumbling something Culgan couldn't make out.

"Seed?"

The redhead shook his hair out of his face. "Maybe I'm starting to take this relationship seriously?" Seed adopted a look somewhere between innocent confusion, hilarity, and disinterest, a move intended to take the edge off his comment. Culgan smiled, tilting Seed's chin up to face him. He struggled to find the words to answer Seed's confession, and found he lacked anything to compare to it.

"Thank you." Overwhelmed with emotion and disgusted with his inability to provide an appropriate response, he drew close and kissed Seed, prodding the lips to open for him.

"Mmm...uh-uh. Not until I give you this."

Seed pulled away and bounced on the couch, much as Jillia had done earlier in the day. "Be happy that I didn't get you that suspicious-looking hair dye." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little book, nuzzling close as he handed it to Culgan.

"Hah." Culgan accepted the gift, contemplating its contents. "A tiny book?" He smiled at Seed's obvious amusement, feline glee written across his lover's face. "Hmm..." Culgan settled into the couch and against Seed comfortably, wine glass still in hand. Seed took the drink from him and proceeded to drain it of its contents.

"By the way...your birthday?"

Culgan gave Seed a warning look, but was unable to hold it. In truth, it no longer mattered; his reaction to Seed's gift surprised even him. "If you must know...it's in December." Another wall crumbled.

"Uh huh." Seed twirled the slender glass, eyes twinkling merrily with accompanying smirk. "I guess that'll have to do for now, eh?"

Culgan sighed in playful exaggeration and returned his attention to the item at hand. "Hmm...Romantic Dinner for Two. That's nice... Erotic Massage...wonderful. Bearer is Entitled to an Evening of Oral..." Unable to finish the sentence aloud, he flipped several more of the little pages, eyes widening as he read through them. "What in hell is a Rainbow Arch?" His face had colored minutely, but enough for Seed to notice.

"Oh...well. I had to have that explained to me as well. Another reason for stopping at the local tavern." Playfully, Seed straddled Culgan and whispered into his ear. Culgan tried very hard not to laugh at Seed's description, although his lover's current position caused his interest to skyrocket. His body betrayed him and Seed wriggled against him knowingly.

"Is that even physically possible?" Culgan's groin was arguing with him viciously, much to Seed's amusement.

"Why don't we check and see? I was told that with a little care, most of these are designed to accommodate almost everyone."

"I'll keep that in mind..." Tossing the empty wine glass to the floor, Culgan flipped Seed onto the couch with more than the usual aggression.

"We can't try that here!" Seed cried in mock outrage. Culgan mumbled something Seed couldn't decipher, burying his face in the redhead's neck. Seed grinned and easily gave up on the matter, wrapping his arms around Culgan's neck. With any luck, the two of them would have the rest of the night and following day to figure it out.

Author's notes:

Boring but Necessary Background:

Seed and Klaus are friends, and often share private information.

Klaus and Jillia are nothing more than close friends, Jillia having a more serious case of puppy love than Klaus. I like them, though not as lovers, and for the sake of the story gave them a brief CUTE fling. I despise putting characters with "that unknown person down the street."

I took some liberty with using present day terms for sexual positions. I'm not gonna make them up, yanno.

Last but not least, I stuck with the term Valentine's Day. Sue me. I'm not into the business of creating stupid names for holidays when it's obvious I'm writing the fic for Valentine's Day. *sucks*

So I lied. Last thing...sucky fic. Fun to write, but sucky. I tried my best, yanno. *sweatdrop and hides* The title takes the cake, however. What a crock. *curses lack of imagination*

- Romy